I was able to be more active with the group this year, due to scheduling changes in my life, so that was great. We clowned in La Carpio, at the Rehabilitation Hospital and the Children's Hospital. All vastly different experiences that each have vastly different rewards and levels of caring. The learning that comes from such variety of clown experiences is great. We learn so much when we play the clown, about how much we care, what unknown compassion we still possess and how we can help just by being a force of love. As Patch says, "The clown is a trick to get love close."
The DPS portion of the week was spread over two sessions. That was due to the fact that we had a very, very intense first session that saw a forum theatre production convert into a facilitated group listening and sharing circle on the issue of sexual abuse. It came out, as always in DPS, people taking risks and going real and deep in performance of a play. The play on child sexual exploitation was so hot that it got everyone rolling. But rather than forum the play, I saw that the actors were too raw, the emotions were too high, and the potential for overwhelm was too great. Instead we turned it into a storytelling/listening session that saw some major breakthroughs for people that both shared and listened. Stories of a very personal nature were shared by myself and others. Deep learning and change came, finally, from a place of honesty, trust, and acceptance of the individual as someone with the power to change their lives. We often talk about these terms and do little games to make the point, but when they are actually practiced and the results are so tangible, that is when we realize the value of those qualities and beliefs.
Addicted to Shame
One point that really came up for me was that what some people have developed, and I think this is true for myself, is an addiction to shame. So, why would we want to feel shame. Well, it is because in the end we are looking for love. And one of the best ways of finding the feeling of love is to have someone forgive you. So, if I want that forgiveness to make me think that someone loves me, I will consciously or unconsciously do things that bring me shame. Thereby having to say "I'm sorry" is really a cry for love. This is a major learning for me that came out of that unexpected forum circle.
Going with the flow of the group, listening to their needs was the key as a facilitator for me. Flows of energy allowed me to take risks and then as a facilitator people saw me taking risks, then they were more likely to open up. Of course, an important learning was also that this group had been together for five days before we did this. That really helped. This group was ripe for sharing and support in a trusting environment. I am glad that I could help facilitate that and also benefit from it.
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